Innocence?

In the beginning, this novel is all about keeping innocence alive; however, I can't help but to wonder if that innocence was really kept. As a child, Allison is in a constant state of shame and doubt. She looks at her life compared to what it could have been. She compares herself to her surroundings, "Pretty girls in my high school had good hair, curled or straightened to fit the fashion, had slender hips in tailored skirts, wore virgin pins on the right side or knew enough not to wear such tacky things at all." (36).

However, as she grows older, she realizes that she doesn't need to make these silly comparisons. She doesn't need to hide her innocence. "What is the story I will not tell? The story I do not tell is the only one that is a lie. It is the story of the life I do not lead, without complication, mystery, courage, or the transfiguration of flesh." (71). She now notices the significance of being herself.

Not only does she learn to accept her for who she is, but she learns to let go of her troubled past, especially with men. All her life, her surroundings have prevented her from being free. She had to keep the innocence. Once she picks up a gun, she not only feels liberated, she also in a sense gets revenge on her step farther by imagining him in front of her. He abused her and she couldn't relieve those built up emotions until she was able to do something she was told never to do, something out of the "ordinary". "Two or three things I know for sure, and one of them is that change when it comes cracks everything open." (48). She was able to lead her own happy life without restrictions and that is truly breaking innocence.