Final Post

This class has been so helpful to me in various ways. Woman’s literature has helped me to open up to different aspects of a woman’s life. Her pain, her suffering, her happiness, her pride, her shame, and even her vagina. We read several books that I loved and simply couldn’t put down. Our class also went through books that sometimes had hard concepts to grasp or different writing styles that were so extreme from the last books we read. Not only could I relate to these women in the books, but it helped me realize a lot about myself as I read. These novels were able to pull me in and with it, they took my heart and soul and I’ve even kept a few books on my book shelf so I can read them whenever I desire.

My favorite book by far was Eve Enslers “The Vagina Monologues”. I read it one Sunday morning from cover to cover. I was literally glued to my couch and my roommate actually thought there was something wrong with me. I don’t usually like to read many books but because of the content and the depth of this book, it kept me hooked. Each story was a part of me and as each page was flipped, I was all ready to read the next one! My favorite part of this novel was the empowerment of this statement on page 51 “The clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure. The clitoris is simply a bundle of nerves: 8,000 nerve fibers, to be precise. That’s a higher concentration of nerve fibers than is found anywhere else in the body, including the fingertips, lips, and tongue, and it is twice…twice…twice the number in the penis. Who needs a handgun when you’ve got a semiautomatic?” I love how she uses these words to compare women’s pleasure to men. Women are such complex and amazing creatures and this book especially taught me how to embrace my femininity.

Another book I couldn’t keep my hands and eyes off was another one of Eve Enslers novels, “I am an Emotional Creature”. This book unlike the vagina monologues, which embraces femininity, shows a corrupted and scared side to being a woman. The poem in this novel that portrayed this fear of being different the most was the poem “DON’T”. The first page of this poem is a list of things that this girl is not allowed to do because of either what her father or mother said what society thinks she should do or how her skewed version of herself won’t allow her to do. However this poem also relieves her “don’ts” and seems as though there is a good future for her and that she has faith in what is to come. “I want to read so I can read the Koran. Read the signs in the street. Know the number of the bus I’m supposed to take when I one day leave this house.”

All throughout this class, we have focused on many different feelings and words to describe the content and emotion of these novels. I believe there have been quite a few repeating topics that seem to sew this whole semester’s worth of reading together. There was pride with “Precious” and with “The Vagina Monologues”. There was fear, rejection and shame with “The Shall”, “I am an Emotional Creature” and even “Fun Home”. There were also many novels that didn’t fit into the categories of the feelings of the other novels such as “In the time of the butterflies”. This was the most complex book I have ever read but it definitely made me appreciate the lives of the Garcia sisters and also appreciate the choppy writing style of the author. There have been so many different ways of interpreting because there have been so many writing styles and this class has truly opened my eyes to new ways of reading and for that I will be forever grateful.

Innocence?

In the beginning, this novel is all about keeping innocence alive; however, I can't help but to wonder if that innocence was really kept. As a child, Allison is in a constant state of shame and doubt. She looks at her life compared to what it could have been. She compares herself to her surroundings, "Pretty girls in my high school had good hair, curled or straightened to fit the fashion, had slender hips in tailored skirts, wore virgin pins on the right side or knew enough not to wear such tacky things at all." (36).

However, as she grows older, she realizes that she doesn't need to make these silly comparisons. She doesn't need to hide her innocence. "What is the story I will not tell? The story I do not tell is the only one that is a lie. It is the story of the life I do not lead, without complication, mystery, courage, or the transfiguration of flesh." (71). She now notices the significance of being herself.

Not only does she learn to accept her for who she is, but she learns to let go of her troubled past, especially with men. All her life, her surroundings have prevented her from being free. She had to keep the innocence. Once she picks up a gun, she not only feels liberated, she also in a sense gets revenge on her step farther by imagining him in front of her. He abused her and she couldn't relieve those built up emotions until she was able to do something she was told never to do, something out of the "ordinary". "Two or three things I know for sure, and one of them is that change when it comes cracks everything open." (48). She was able to lead her own happy life without restrictions and that is truly breaking innocence.

Significance of Pictures

It's one thing to explain your life through words but it's another to portray your past through pictures. I believe that Dorothy Allison, the author of Two or Three Things I Know for Sure captures the essence of this portrayal. Allison’s mother was corrupted at such a young age, she tries to prevent her daughter from the same life she lead. However, throughout the pictures and the stories told in this novel, its evident that her mothers restraints on her only causes further rebellion.

Next to a picture of Allison's aunt dot and her mother, it reads, "The women I loved the most in the world horrified me. I did not want to grow up to be them. I made myself proud of their pride, their determination, their stubbornness, but every night I prayed a mans prayer, lord save me from them do not let me become them"(38). This shows that although that she looks up to these women, she still realizes they are trapped in their own sorrow.

Allison wants to escape the norm of her town; getting pregnant with a poor no good man with out a job and basically being a "baby maker". In class, we analyzed a picture on page 33. How once these women were beautiful and glorious. Only for a mere second. "We were all wide-hipped baby machines. We were all wide-hipped and predestined. Wide-faced meant stupid. Wide hands marked workhorses with dull hair and tired eyes..." Allison realizes that she doesn't want to be just another generation of the women in her family, so she decides to take a different route and go to college.

Mistrust

Define Freedom

Once the mother and the two children return to their home after three years of living in the concentration camps, they seem to have a new outlook on life itself. Not only do they appreciate things that they once took for granite, they also see the world in a new light and have a new definition of what their freedom is versus what the rest of America's freedom is (those who aren't Japanese). Each person matures in a sense by realizing that the world is truly corrupt for so many different reasons, and people just tend to put serious events and realities on the back burner so that they can avoid confrontation of any sort.

After the family's arrival back home, the mother and children are basically worshiping the water coming out of the faucet, yelling insanities that they once couldn't yell out in the concentration camps and they feasted on food that they never thought was "feastable". "We lowered our heads to the faucet and drank.. Our throats were dry from the long ride back and our clothes were covered with dust. Our mother let the water run over her hands and then she turned off the faucet and wiped her hands on the front of her dress.." The mere fact that water was so exciting shows how deprived they were at the camps. They weren't taken care of and were on constant watch of every little move. It became their life and what they were used to.

Although the family was excited to be home and do what they hadn't done in years, they were also doing what they had accommodated to at the camps; such as sleeping in the same room. Even though the children would ask their mother when they would be able to sleep in their own rooms, the schedule they ran on at the camps seemed to stick with them and make them feel comfortable. "Without thinking, we had chosen to sleep, together, in a room, with our mother, dreaming of the day when we could finally sleep alone, in our own rooms.” I also believe they slept together in fear that someone could harm them at any moment, seeing as they were the "enemy" during the war. After the experience at the concentration camps, they realized that they weren't really safe anywhere. They couldn’t' even trust their neighbors who had stolen things from the house. They were free from the camp, but in this case, they weren't free of the harsh realities of the world outside the camp.... so I ask... define freedom.

Secrets

To elaborate a little more on what we had discussed in class on Friday, I'd like to add to the list of lies and secrets that are kept through out this book. The lies told in this novel are very unique because they aren't really lies. They are just well kept secrets. Some "not quite" lies include mother lying to her children that she really does have everything together, when in actuality, she cries her self to sleep at night over the worry of the safety and well being of her and her family. Others are closer to white lies such as the mother telling the children that the dog just wasn't coming with them, rather than her telling them that she had killed him. Not only does the mother lie, but so does the daughter and father. The daughter lies to her little brother about how many horses will run by the train, when in actuality, she doesn't know if there will even be any horses. The father lies through his letters home stating that everything is "O.K."...in jail?

The father writes to the daughter stating all the wonderful things he will buy for her birthday. However, at the end of the note she notices that it has been censored. "At the bottom of the card there was a P.S. and then a line of text that had been blacked out by the censors. She wondered what it was her father had wanted to tell her." Obviously, not everything is "O.K" in jail if letters that her father writes are read through before they're sent. The daughter learns quickly how corrupt the world around her is becoming and soon catches on that she too, in order to stay sane has to lie a little.


As a reader, I can't help to wonder why these characters feel the need to lie to one another. I took the time to analyze each character and why they might lie to them selves and one another. The mother for one, is protecting her children from the harsh realities of the war. The sister, learning from her mother and father tries to protect her brother from the same realities; she probably feels that she grew up too fast and she wants him to keep his innocence. The father lies for different reasons because his situation in jail is a little more skewed than the others situation at home. Everything he does is monitored and looked after. The smallest hickup of a "bad time" there could ruin the chances of him or even his families survival. We all lie a little from time to time, but I can't help to wonder if their lies are getting the best of them.

Compare and Contrast

This book was such a turnaround from reading the book Push. I've decided to take it upon myself to compare the writing styles of these two authors to get a better understanding of the characters themselves. The novel "Push" was an inspiring piece that brings the reader into Precious's (main character) head. Whereas the novel "When the Emperor was Devine", was narrated in second person. You never truly quite got to get into the characters head. However I believe both Sapphire (writer of "Push") and Julia Otsuka (writer of "When the Emperor was Devine", actually meant for their writing styles to create a sense of "mood" for the reader to better understand the situations going on within the story.

                                                                             
In "Push", the language was very real and in your face. Precious swears, speaks broken English and feels free to speak her mind where ever, whenever, with whom ever. However, it is much different for the mother in the first chapter of "When the Emperor was Devine" to even show her emotion, let alone embrace it as Precious does. The author creates a monotone language that it's very hard to get used to at first. Some very emotional things happen in the first chapter that would usually deserve an emotional reaction, but because emotions are rarely portrayed in the beginning of this book, it's hard to tell whether or not to feel bad, happy, or just plain awkward.  On page 11, Otsuka presents the murder of the dog as just another task in the mother’s day. "White Dog's body shuddered twice and his hind legs kicked out into the air, as though he were trying to run. Then he grew still. A trickle of blood seeped out from the corner of his mouth. She untied him from the tree and let out a deep breath. The shovel had been the right choice. Better, she thought, than a hammer." This was done or... described in such a manner that could have been her cleaning the lawn.

Although the mother seemed un phased by her actions, we later find out that she breaks down in bed after having a few glasses of wine. This woman has gone through so many traumatic events during this war that she has become a zombie by day and a human by night. She must stay strong for her children in order to survive. Survival is something that Sapphire tries to portray in her book as well, just through different language. In conclusion, although each author had a different way of conveying the characters story, both novels had the same message; to stay strong.

Better Days

In the beginning of this book, precious has very low self-esteem and self-concept. This can be blamed on a few reasons; her mother’s physical and mental abuse, her father’s sexual abuse (rape), and the lack of care that outsiders such as her teachers, neighbors and even family give her. She is stranded without a paddle up until she meets Ms. Rain who helps her self-esteem and self-concept grow tremendously. She teaches her that she can do anything if she believes in herself and that the truth will free her. Precious had been living in denial for most of her life, and now that she has this loving and warm atmosphere in Ms. Rain's class, she finally realizes how precious she really is.

I thought it was very interesting for her to describe herself as a "vampire" or "invisible". There are many times when she is on her way to do something productive and she gets distracted by her disturbing past. "For me this muffin' new. There has always been something wrong wif the tesess. These tesses paint a picture of me wif no brain. The tesses paint a picture of me an' my muver- my whole family, we more than dumb, we invisible.....They vampires. They eats, drinks, wear clothes, talks, fucks, and stuff but when you git right down to it they don't exist." She is not only describing herself as worthless, but her whole family as worthless because all they do is hurt her in some way; never have they been a positive support system that she obviously needed.

Precious stated that all she did during her school years was just "get by" and sit in the back of the classroom. It was evident that once she attended Ms. Rain’s class that she didn't even know how to read. This class even gives her faith in her unborn child. It was heartwarming to find that this time around she really did want to care for her child and make sure it had a better life than her. "Important to read to baby after it's born. Important to have colors hanging from them wall. Listen baby, I puts my hand on my stomach, breathe deep. Listen baby (I writes in my notebook): She is talking to her baby and making a connection with him which she probably would have never done before this new accepting experience in Ms. Rains classroom

It's obvious that Precious has gone through hell and back, but up to this point in the book, it seems as though she is willing to turn it all around for the sake of her and her children. She wants to raise them better than she was raised as a child. She wants to push.

"He was there to catch me when I leapt"

Throughout this novel, Alison really vocalizes how much she dislikes her father in various ways, but I can't help to wonder if everything she was saying was just to cover up how much she really did care about him. Was this book based on an over exaggerated opinion? Yes, he made Alison and her siblings work hard around the house and had little time for fun and games, but no parent is perfect, and in my view, he was a great father. He built strong work ethic for his children and yes, he was stern but sometimes it's needed for a home to be run accordingly.

Alison’s father may have been controlling, but it was only because he cared for her. He wanted for her what he felt like he never had. On pages 22 and 23, Bechdel conveys a sense of kindness in her father. The pictures show him giving her a bath and letting her take the wheel of the lawn mower and she then states, "Although I'm good at enumerating my father’s flaws, it's hard for me to sustain much anger at him. I expect this partly because he's dead, and partly because the bar is lower for fathers than for mothers." There are those fathers that aren't even there for their daughters. I could see why one would be hostile towards someone who was never there for them, but the mere fact that her father put great effort for her shows that he isn't so bad after all.

I also caught on as I read through this book, that her mother is rarely mentioned or around. It seems to me that her father played a big part in her life which is maybe why she blames a lot of things on him. While talking to a friend at college, she laughs at the fact that her father is dead. “Dad left no note. After the funeral, life pretty much resumed its course. They say grief takes many forms, including the absence of grief."  I personally believe that her laugh is nervousness and hides the fact that she really did love her father. Some people react the complete opposite way they're "supposed" to act when something tragic happens. However, I know Alison loved and trusted her father than she ever portrayed it through the whole book according to one little line on the very last page that read, "But in the tricky reverse narration that impels our entwined stories, he was there to catch me when I leapt."

Like father like daughter

As much as Alison despises her father, I can't help but to realize how similar she is to him. She seems to discover more and more about her father’s secrets in chapter three. Her mother reveals to her events that had taken place even before she was born, which helps her as well as the reader to better understand why her father is the way he is.
Once Alison wrote a letter home four months prior to her father’s death about "coming out", her mother admitted that her father too was homosexual or, bisexual and that he had had affairs with men while they were married. This came as a surprise to Alison, but also helped her to put the pieces together. Her and her father both communicated via letters because it was much easier than showing emotion in person; another similarity they have. Throughout the book, he had always been infatuated with certain books that had homosexuality hidden in the pages (or how he perceived these books). Such as The Great Gatsby he always talked so dearly about the male author. Like her father, Alison took pleasure in reading books about homosexuality. In college she was in the library almost every day understanding more and more that homosexuality wasn't just about physicality, but about the mentality. "My realization at nineteen that I was a lesbian came about in a manner consistent with my bookish upbringing. A revelation not of the flesh, but of the mind."
These thoughts lead her to believe that her father was never really physically interested in her mother, but just the idea of having a "normal" life. Even so, their lives never really turned out the way they had imagined. "I speculate on what attracted my father more--the role, the actress, or my mother herself." Although Alison refuses to believe that she is anything like her heartless father, she is subliminally playing out her father’s life.

A mystery

In the second chapter of "Fun Home" it is labeled "A Happy Death “and according to the first chapter, I could see why Alison believed it was happy. She was much older when her father died (in her college years) and seemed as though she never really made that attachment to him. She looked very unphased in the first few pages at the funeral about his death. It was sudden and somewhat expected by Alison. He was allegedly hit by a truck but Alison believed that he planned it out to happen according to his past actions and clues throughout her childhood.

She remembers sneaking peaks of books that he had highlighted and most of the lines were clues to his death and why he might have committed suicide. "He discovered the cruel paradoxy by which we always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love-first to their advantage, then to our disadvantage"...."A fitting epitaph for my parents marriage" At the time of his death, Alison’s parents were getting a divorce and I believe that Alison foresaw this event taking place. Another clue for her was his head stone when he died; she had remembered the shape of it when he described it to her one day when she was younger. "He had an obelisk collection, in fact, and his prize specimen was one in knee-high jade that propped open the door to his library." It's ironic that he used it as his tombstone when he died because he tells Alison that it symbolizes life.

She tells her mother when she arrives home "I think it was something he always meant to do." Meaning, she had observed her father so much even though she wanted nothing to do with him. It goes to show you that maybe she really did love her father and maybe she just wanted a little attention from him or a closer and stronger relationship with him. Although if you look back, he was always in her life up until that point, just not in the way she wanted him to be. It was very hard for her to figure out her dad; to her he will always be a mystery.

Passion

In the book "Fun Home", the author, Alison Bechdel writes her biography through a comic strip. I've never read a book quite like this. It is indeed a novel that has just as much content to read as any other but it is so helpful that there are pictures on every page! (I wish every book were like this). I started to read this book on the plane to South Carolina and surprisingly couldn't put it down. I was giggling next to a complete stranger at the mere irony of the book. At first, it seemed to be a comedy about a family from the sixties, but as I read further I realized that it was a tragedy wrapped into a comedy. Bechdel describes her childhood in a very frustrating way, yet adds small dialogues to make the reader understand that although she didn't feel that her childhood was the best, she realizes the reader can relate to her own family. It's the only family she's got so she embraced even the bad parts. She especially emphasizes on her father...

The first chapter of the book was most interesting to me because it was the perspective of a daughter about her father, so I could relate in a way. Alison’s father was always around, but he was always concerned about other things besides the children. He put the kids to work in the house all the time and everything had to be in order and "just right" or he wouldn't be happy. Although his job didn't revolve around houses, he had somewhat of an obsession with rebuilding the house they lived in that was made in the 1800's. Her dad was determined to refurnish the house to it's best and even better than it was built. "In this regard, it was like being raised not by Jimmy but by Martha Stewart." The kids never really got time to spend with their father unless it was labor around the house.

Although Bechdel describes her life in the first chapter as hard work and un loved, she also realized when her father was caring. "Sometimes, when things were going well, I think my father actually enjoyed having a family." But then she second-guesses her statement with a comic relief, "Or at least, the air of authenticity we lent to his exhibit. A sort of still life with children." (As the kids sat by the Christmas tree they had been working to put up for him). "He could conjure an entire, finished period interior from a paint chip"(Alison holding up a ruler for her father to see if something is level) "my arms falling off" This is just another example of the many humorous remarks Bechdel uses to cover up her sadness about her childhood. We all do this to not only relate to others but to mask what we truly feel.

Page turner

 By the end of the novel, do you get used to Alvarez’s style? Why did she choose
this style? Does it work? Is she able to get you to finish reading the book even
though you know the ending? What does she focus on instead and why?

At first this book was very hard to understand because I felt as though it was a bit scattered with it's ideas, thoughts and especially characters. Her writing was easy to understand after the first few pages of Dede's "third person" monologue because it started to unravel the meaning behind the story.... her sisters' death. After reading Dede's chapter, reading the other girls voices became a little harder because it was a new narrator and new writing. I love how Julia Alvarez can be so versatile in her writing by taking each of the characters voice. Alvarez's style worked out perfectly after I read through the first four chapters. It was much easier to determine the four sisters from each other.

I'd like to believe that Alvarez used this style to help the reader get a better sense of each girl and the actual events that took place and how each girl reacted and perceived them. For example, there is a huge difference between perceptions of life according to their experiences; the youngest sister, Maria Theresa and the oldest, Patria are prime examples of this. After Patrias husband Jamito left her because she had met with the revolutionary priest, she was devastated. "That first day was the hardest. I was crazy with grief, all right. When Dede and Tono walked me into the house, all I wanted to do was lie down and die...I got up from my bed ready to set up housekeeping at Mama's" Here, Patria is distressed and knows the hardships of life, but still takes on the "daily grind" When Maria Theresa describes the hard ships of being locked away, she describes her devastation in a different way, a less mature way describing how she's uncomfortable. "After you lose your fear, the hardest thing here is the lack of beauty. There's no music to listen to, no good smells, ever, nothing pretty to look at." She's more concerned about material things and believes if she doesn't feel comfortable, the "world will end" where Patria has had something horrible happen to her and still moves on with life. With this difference of character, you can imagine how many “sides” of the story there are.

Although I knew the ending to this story, Alvarez keeps you hooked with the different characters. I was never bored reading this book because for every chapter, there was a different voice, it's as if I knew the sisters as well as if they were my own. Every sister told a different version of the suspense and as I read on, the story replayed in a different perspective, which is what helped this book to be so successful.

Dede's Time Line

-Born in 1925
-Private school around the age of 13 with her sisters
-Met Lio when Minerva and Dede play volleyball one day (age 16 or 17)
-Lio left when he went into exile
-Engaged and married Jamito
-Goes to ball with father, sisters and husbands
-Father was arrested for protecting Minerva-
-Father dies 1953
-Has child (three total)
-Bankrupcy
-Sisters approach Dede's cause (Dede goes to revolutionary priest, husband finds out and leaves with children because he didn't want to get involved with the revolutionary causes.
-Arrests are made by the government-go to jail
-Jamito and Dede try to bail the arrested people out of jail- Dede then notices that she will always be involved with the revolutionary causes because her SISTERS are involved....a.k.a. (she is part of them)
-3 sisters die on November 25th, 1960
-Dede sets up a memorial house and open interviews in commemoration of her sisters- after their death-1994 Interview (1st chapter)

The good ol' days

Out of all the girls in the book "In the time of the Butterflies", I felt as though it was easier to read Maria Theresa's entries/ chapters. There were a few reasons for this, one being that she made everything sound so simple and positive, like no one could do any wrong. Another being that she writes very similar to the way I do or would have at her various ages. Not only can I relate to her, but because I'm the oldest child in my family, I can sort of understand now what the youngest child might go through because it's put in such simple terms.

In her first chapter, chapter 3, she writes to her "dearest little book" that Minerva gives her. The mere fact that she addresses her diary in such a sweet caring manner shows that she has such a positive outlook on life. She never once seems to have a bad day. She also shows this sweet caring manner when she lists her new year’s resolutions of 1946. Just to give you an idea here are some of her "horrible" antics she must change... "I resolve to be diligent with my tasks and not fall asleep when I say my prayers, I resolve not to think of clothes when I am in church, I resolve not to be so tenderhearted as even Minerva says crying will bring on prematuring wrinkles" These resolves alone make Maria Theresa seem like an angel. Being so young, she's probably never been exposed to the "real" sins in life. This is what makes her so delicate and lovable and so easy to follow.

Also, because Maria Theresa is so young, she has a way of explaining things to the reader that are put so simply that you just have to laugh and think... 'I couldn't have put it better myself' For instance, when she explains walking for her first communion she states, "I think saints all lived before high heels were invented" She captures the moment and says what only an 8 year old could think of. It's endearing and so very true.
Maria Theresa doesn't yet realize that Minerva is very controlling with her. I remember being in Minerva’s shoes and telling my sister anything because she was so gullible. I now feel awful for being such a controlling older sister, but it’s very interesting seeing it from the other perspective. Instead of her taking it the wrong way, she sees Minerva’s bossiness as helpfulness/guidance. You can tell that she looks up to her older sister because she literally mentions her in EVERY diary.

I think that I love to read Maria Theresa's writing the most because I too want to feel my inner child come out. That sense of innocence and naivety feels almost refreshing. Although later in the book she grows up to find out that the world isn't made of rainbows and unicorns, it's nice as the reader to revert back to childlike thinking in the beginning of the book.

Daddys little girls

Throughout the first 4 chapters with each sister reiterating her version of life, it becomes evident that although they're different in many aspects, they all think very highly of themselves. Each sister mentions in some way or another that she is the parent’s favorite. They all have a sort of arrogance about themselves, not to say they are conceited and selfish, but it seems as though they were raised to think highly of themselves to build confidence. It's obvious that their family's support plays a huge role in their thoughts about themselves. It goes to show you how close these girls were with their sisters and parents.

Dede speaks in 3rd person in the first chapter about her sisters and how she is "The sister who survived". Because she has this stress on telling the story, it seems as though she views herself a little differently from the rest of the sisters. When she talks about the past, it's almost as if she thought she missed some hidden meaning that could have saved the rest of them. For instance, "As Dede is helping her father step safely up on the stairs of the galeria she realizes that hers is the only future he really told....A chill goes through her, for she feels it in her bones, the future is now beginning." She looks back to a time where she believes she could have helped them. She also shows her "arrogance" by stating that her father had really only mentioned her. However, I believe that because she went through this traumatic event (losing her sisters); she is more thankful for life and less arrogant about it.

Minerva speaks in 1st person in the second chapter about her ambitions and her experience at sleep away school. She is very intelligent and high-minded. Because of this, she seems like the most arrogant, (a "know it all"). Especially to her younger sister Maria Theresa. She talks about herself as though she was the only one her parents could trust or have understood them. "More than once he said that Patria as a nun would be a waste of a pretty girl. He only said that once in front of Mama, but he repeated it often enough to me." She first explains that her father disapproves of her sister, Patria and then concludes that he went to her to express his feelings, showing that she was more valuable to their father. Minerva speaks as though she knows everything and is a very hard headed girl, some might see it as independent and strong, others would view it as self-centered and conceited.

Maria Theresa speaks in 1st person in the third chapter about her "little book" she received for her communion. Most of the chapter is about her communion and how she views the world in a positive manner. You can also tell that from her entries that Minerva has a great influence on her, so much so that she is in a way, her mini-mi. "Dear Little Book, I don't know if you realize how advanced I am for my age? Don't tell anyone: I don't like it here that much. But after we talked Mama into letting me board, I have to pretend. At least, Minerva is here with my even if she sleeps in another hall." This shows that she has a very positive outlook on herself but is still very reliant upon her older sister for reconfirmation.

As for Patricia, being the oldest of the four, she is very religious and knew from the very start why she was put on this earth. She married young and had children. She was always thinking of others first, however just like her other sisters, she too had an arrogant side. “From the beginning, I was so good; Mama said she'd forget I was there. I slept through the night, entertaining myself if I woke up and no one was around...One morning she found me changing Dedes wet diaper, but what was funny was that I hadn't wanted to disturb Mama for a clean one, so I had taken off mine to put on my baby sister." Even when she was still in diapers, she was taking care of others!

It's obvious that all four sisters are strong-minded in a sense; however they all have their own way of portraying that characteristic and it becomes very obvious that they are indeed products of their environment.

Same country...two different worlds

Throughout the monologue "Sophie et Apolline" there is a significant difference in the morals and opinions of these two French girls. They both seem as though they are having a conversation with one another, yet they are both at very different stages of their lives. They both start off talking about smoking; its consequences, what role it plays in their life and how they view it as a whole. Smoking is merely a metaphor for the rest of the topics discussed in the monologue. Sophie, in my portrayal of the monologue is the younger girl. She is more open to new things because she hasn't yet been jaded from the real world and seems as though she has a much better relationship with those around her who encourage her. Apolline on the other hand seems as though she is much more "worn" from the world around her. She sees more clearly what’s wrong and right from her past experiences. You can also tell that the people around her are more silenced, bringing her to find all her conclusions about society.

Sophie, the more 'enthusiastic about life' character, portrays a young girl that hasn't yet suffered the big consequences in life on account of various factors in her life such as family and experiences. She mentions the first time she had sex. "It was very good. He cared about me. He said he wasn't a virgin but I think he was. He was shy and didn't know what he was doing. He was kind with me." She explains her first experience with sex as if it was nothing to her and probably more to the boy she was having sex with. She doesn't seem at all guilty or disgusted with herself. On the other hand, Apollines story was a little different. "It was very bad. The boy wasn't my boyfriend. Just a friend. I didn't want to have sex. I was a little drunk. I regret that he wasn't the boy I liked." Apolline feels much more remorse for her first time and feels a little jaded from the experience, however has learned from it, "I am with my boyfriend now. He is gentile. He pays attention to me. We have sex one or two times a week."

Not only do these girls differ in sexual experiences, the environment around them also effects how they view the world. Sophie is very open with her father which boosts her confidence with boys and makes it easier for her to make moral decisions. "I talk to my father about sex. He asks me questions. He asks if it good for me and what we did. Sometimes I don't answer. He says I have to be careful. Don't get pregnant and diseases." Apolline has a very different relationship with her parents. "I wish my parents knew I had a boyfriend. They wouldn't approve so I don't tell them." with this relationship, it's "swept under the rug in a sense. She doesn't get that confirmation from her parents that it is okay to be intimate with others. Which is why I think a big reason she regrets her first time is because it was so discouraged in her family.

I found myself reading this monologue about three times over. I knew the minute I started reading it, it's what I wanted to blog about. However, I couldn't figure out what aspect of the monologue I wanted to blog about. There were so many different metaphors and issues I could relate to. Gladly, the last time I read the monologue I started to pick up on how different these two girls were although the best of friends. It was very interesting to see the distinct differences between the two and actually being able to relate to both was in a way...rewarding because it shows that I too have their aspirations, their fears and most importantly a best-friendship that also cannot be described.

Our inner monologue

            Although people are afraid to admit, we all talk to ourselves...each and every one of us. We encourage ourselves to "do better next time" or tell ourselves "you're almost there" and then there are times when we doubt ourselves look around to see if no one is looking and repeat over and over again "DUMB DUMB DUMB" Then there are those inner monologues that maybe question your sanity like having a serious conversation with yourself in the car or in the shower...some where you know that is safe. All inner monologues have no intention of leaking out to any outsiders, because then...you'd just be weird....

I find that Ensler wonderfully portrays a young teenage girls monologue in "let me in". Ensler writes in a way every reader can relate to... even if they're not a teenage girl living in suburbs, USA. One technique I caught onto was her repetitive phrases such as "Don't worry. I don't say this out loud. God no. Only in my head. These are my friends...supposedly." I believe Ensler was trying to send a message that the girl was so insecure with herself that she even had to justify her thoughts to the reader. This monologue tells every teenagers story. It's about a girl that wants to be popular and to fit in and in order to maintain her position on the hierarchy of what she calls "the posse" and she must have a constant inner monologue so people believe she is perfect and that she has everything under control.

The very reason people work things out in their head is to appear like they have everything together, when in actuality, they don't. It becomes most evident that the girl in this monologue was having too many of these conversations with herself to keep track of reality and her own thoughts. "Oh God. Everyone was looking. I must be really screaming. It's in the cafeteria and not just in my head." She tries so hard to be liked that her brain cannot handle this overload which results to her collapsing onto the floor. Wendy Apple is an important character in this monologue because she not only helps this girl but helps the reader to understand that everyone has their own voice inside telling them what and what not to do and sometimes you must listen to the one that is screaming "help, this is not right".

Enslers Words

2)For Ensler, language is important? Why? What does it matter what we call body parts? What is the importance of language in defining sexuality, bodies, etc.? Why do you think she asks those questions about what vaginas would wear, etc? What is she trying to do with that?

Throughout this book, Ensler utilizes the vagina as more than just a body part. She embraces what it means to  be a woman, but not only that, she makes women become proud of who they are. She had various clever techniques into finding the true meaning of being a woman. She interviewed a variety of women from the ages of 5 to almost 70. She traveled all around the world to find out how different women of different ethnicities thought about their woman hood. She uses vivid language to express how each woman of each age and race views the value of her womanhood. Some women were lost and didn’t want to know anything about their sexuality. Others embraced their vaginas with pride and others were just confused as to what it meant to be a woman.

Ensler interviews an older woman in “the flood”. She never found interest in her woman hood or vagina. She states in the very first paragraph, “No, no, it’s a cellar down there. It’s very damp, clammy. You don’t want to go down there. Trust me.” This use of language is metaphoric. She uses a cellar to describe her vagina as useless and unwanted. She is ashamed and seems as though she’s never been proud or confident about being a woman.

On the other hand, there are those women who embrace their vagina, such as mothers. They look at their vaginas as a gift –for life, love and happiness. In “I was there in the room”, the mothers vagina after giving birth was described “The heart is capable of sacrifice. So is the vagina. The heart is able to forgive and repair.” She is so elated that a new baby has come into this world and expresses that the vagina is the one that is responsible for its delivery. It takes so much effort to bear a baby that it’s almost a blessing when that baby finally arrives.

Even those that are a little confused as how to identify their vagina as. In the “Vulva Club” the woman in the monologue felt as though because she didn’t have a name for her vagina, that she wasn’t fully connected with her sexuality and womanhood. However, she came to find that as time went on, she didn’t need a name for it right away. It ended up coming to her out of her experiences. She joins this club that explores woman’s sex organs and sexuality. She used to call her vagina her “itsy bitsy” but realized that she never really enjoyed that name… it never quite fit. She felt confused in her woman identity until a simpler word came to her attention. “Vulva. Vulva. I could feel something unlock. Itsy Bitsy was wrong. I knew this all along. I could not see Itsy Bitsy. I never knew who or what she was, and she did not sound like an opening or a lip.”

Whether its embarrassment, excitement or confusion, every woman views her vagina or her womanhood in a different way. Ensler uses wonderful language to help the reader to understand that it’s okay to love not only your vagina… but YOURSELF.

comfort zone

5)Audience reaction is crucial to Ensler’s overall project. Why? Why won’t she allow us to simply read without having a reaction, whether positive or negative? Why do you think she wants to push us out of our comfort zones? Which monologues resonate most strongly (positively or negatively) with you and why?

I believe that the whole point of this book was to catch peoples eyes. The word "vagina" is almost discomforting, awkward and bold wrapped into one. It's discomforting because it's used as a dirty word for sex. Its awkward because no one is ever willing to talk about it; that elephant in the room. It's bold because of the way it sounds and the way it is used in this title. The sound of "vagina" is almost like a punch. The hard vowels and the way its pronounced. Ensler actually excentuates the word in the title which makes people that much more curious about the book, is it a pornographic book? Is it a womans rights book? Or does it have nothing to actually do with the vagina??
In the monologue "because he liked to look at it", even the man becomes comforatable with the womans sexuality, which makes both parties gain confidence in them selves. "He wasn't grossed out. I began to swell, began to feel proud. Began to love my vagina. And Bob lost himself there and I was there with him, in my vagina, and we were gone." This can be interpreted in so many ways. It doesn't necessarily have to be about accepting your vagina but about accepting YOURSELF, male or female. Feeling comforatable with yourself has no price and can be discovered when ever you want.
I believe Ensler used the word "vagina" as a positive attribute to selling her book.... Let's face it.....It's hard not to stop and stare at the word because it's rarely spoken of, it's almost a mystery. I believe Enslers goal was to make people feel uncomforatable so that they will find and interest in the word. Not to mention, the book wasn't just about the word "vagina". The book consisted of that lack of confidence that both women AND men can feel. Most men would think that this book was a "penis basher" when in reality, it makes them realize how truely similar we are. Like women, men have their embarassing moments, their proud moments and their unsure moments. I believe this discomfort oddly brings along a sense of comfort, the fact that everyone is human and to be imperfect well...THAT"S LIFE! 

The vagina: in all its forms

Throughout this book, each speaker relates the vagina as not only a body part but a part of them. A story to tell, good or bad. The whole reason this book was written was to view what women really thought. The vagina is rarely spoken of and when it is it feels almost... well... awkward. This book was meant to make people more understanding of the word. The author even clearly states on the first page of the book, "I bet you're worried. I was worried. That's why I began this piece. I was worried about vaginas. I was worried about what we think about vaginas and even more worried that we don't think about them. I was worried about my own vagina. It needed a context of other vaginas- a community, a culture of vaginas. There's so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them- like the Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there". Each person views the vagina as a different stage or learning experience. It could be when you're just starting menstruation or when you are 70 years old talking about the "good ol' days", the vagina, whether you like it or not, will be there with you FOREVER. It's up to each individual woman of what kind of relationship she wants with hers.

I enjoyed views of the vagina at different ages. The first age that you become most aware of your vagina is obviously, menstruation. In the monologue, I was twelve. My mother slapped me, the author interviewed many women about how it was like to first get their period. Some were scared, some elated and some plain dumb founded; they refused to admit they had it. Menstruation happens so differently for every woman. It happens at different times, different ages, and different circumstances. It’s a rewarding and shameful feeling at the same time. In some voices of the monologue, parents praised their daughters and encouraged them to embrace their womanhood. "My father brought me a card: "To my little girl who isn't so little anymore." It's great to have someone supporting you with even the most embarrassing of moments. However there were those little girls who wanted to hide the fact that they were becoming women. "I was so afraid. I started putting the used pad in brown paper bags in the dark storage places under the roof". I believe this stage of life is just a preview of to how comfortable they can be with their woman self in the future.

Not only can menstruation be a big step in having a vagina, but giving birth is another stage in a woman’s life that can either make her or break her. In the monologue "I was there in the room" the speaker relates her vagina to another important part of the body; the heart. "I stood, and as I stared, her vagina suddenly became a wide red pulsing heart. The heart is capable of sacrifice. So is the vagina. The heart is able to forgive and repair." She sees that the vagina is the greatest gift of all; it's the part of the body that helped her bring new life to this world.

In the monologue “The Flood”, the author interviews an older lady relates her vagina to an old cellar. She hasn’t been in touch with her femininity since 1953 when she “flooded” or “got wet”. She tells a story of being in a boy’s car when she was young and getting turned on. She got his seat wet and he thought she was gross and drove her home never to speak to her again. This is obviously a big discouragement. It just goes to show that in that era, it was perfectly fine for young men to become aroused, but it was unheard that a woman could be sexually amused. From then on, she kept to herself, holding off on all desires. Since that moment, she hasn’t even dared to even talk about her vagina. She thanks the author for interviewing her saying, “You know, actually, you’re the first person I ever talked to about this, and I feel a little better”.

It's amazing to see different perspectives of each age group about their vaginas. The younger generations, more shy, timid and unsure of how to handle this new responsibility. The generations bringing in the new generations see new life and opportunity. The older generations of women see their vaginas in a different light (or lack thereof) because the topic was never discussed in their day, but it's their chance to truly understand what they hadn't all these years about how precious their womanhood is. Now although through each stage of life, there is a different moral to be taught or life lesson to learn, it's inevitable that the vagina is the most important part of a woman’s life; period.

cover to cover

I was astonished to find that I couldn't put this book down the minute I opened it. It took me all of three hours to finish it but for some reason or another my butt was glued to my couch this morning. I refilled my coffee cup until there wasn't any left in the pot. Astonishment, the reason being, I've never in my life voluntarily read a book from cover to cover. I think it gives everything away. But this book was totally different. I was almost devoured by the book. I found myself laughing out loud... literally. I think because I can relate to so many of these interviews and stories is why this book was so fun, emotional and intriguing. My roommate probably thought I was crazy! 

Once I finished the book, I felt wonderful. I felt new. I felt like I wasn't alone. After reading every story, I couldn't possibly choose just two to blog about. The little voice in my head said, "What the Hell?”... There shouldn't have to be a limit to my expression. So right then and there I decided to blog about every story that captured my heart, made me laugh and made me comfortable. So here goes nothing...

In "My Vagina was my Village", the speaker relates her vagina to nature. She opens with "My vagina was green, water soft pink fields..." At first, as the reader, I was getting the impression that she held her "area" in high regards. Unfortunately, I later found that this grass wasn't very green on the other side. This monologue was about being raped by soldiers in Yugoslavia. She describes her vagina as "chatty" and ready for the world. But once she had been brutally raped by these soldiers, she looses all hope in what was once her womanhood. "....there's a dead animal sewn in down there with thick black fishing line. And the bad dead animal smell cannot be removed...." She expresses that after such a traumatic thing to have happened to her, she realizes that it can't be taken back, the memory is too hard for her to let go. It's hard to even put yourself in her position as the reader. I could never immagine myself being rapped by multiple men, with not only their penis, but with bottles and sticks and even the end of a broom? How degrating and unforgetable that must be. This monolouge took me away for a moment, into her shoes, while reading this I couldn't help but to cringe and feel as though I too had been raped of my womanhood.

On a more comical note, I found the sections of the book "if your vagina could...." to be hillarious. Not only because I could relate to some of them, but because it was fun seeing what other women had said about their vaginas. "If your vagina could talk, what would it say, in two words?" Before reading this I thought of two words. "let go" I chose these words because I've made mistakes that I can't take back. However as I grow older, I realize things aren't as bad as they seem. So I can just, "let go" while reading into what other women said, I noticed none of them were similar. Some were sexual, some romantic, some playful and some just like mine, like "stay home", " not yet" , "Think again". This made me realize that every woman has a different perspective about her phisicality, sexuality and more obviously, her vagina.

Another story that caught my attention was about the lesbian who loved to give women pleasure. "the woman who loved to make vaginas happy". She talks a lot about moaning and different types of it. I love how she describes what a moan really means. You can't fake it, it comes out of pleasure."I realized right then that moans are connected with not getting what you want right away, with pushing things off. I realized moans were best when they caught you by surprise; they came out of this hidden mysterious part of you that was speaking its own language" This book really took me by surprise and I appreciate every single word written in it. To be quite honest, I'll probably read the whole thing over tomorrow morning to get a laugh, a cry, or maybe even a wierd look from my roommate.

finally "getting it"

When you're a child, and your parents tell you not to do something, it's more likely that you do what they tell you not to do out of curiosity or sheer rebellion. However, sometimes it takes personal experience to truly understand why they didn't want you to do that something in the first place.

A child won't always understand why they have restrictions, but all their parents want is the best for their child. This goes for tradition, family values and stories as well. Parents can tell stories about their childhood over and over again, yet it won't clearly register with the child until they have experienced a story similar to theirs. It really is great to grow up and finally comprehend why your parents have been lecturing to you all these years. I've realized once I moved away to college, why my parents were always on my back for certain things. Once you live alone, you understand more about society and how the world works. Parents can hound you about the electric bill until their face is blue. It's not until the bill is in your name that you finally understand why they went all "psycho" on you for forgetting to turn your bathroom light off.

As for the jokes that Graces father tells in "Caroline’s wedding", she finally starts to understand the humor and family values of his jokes. He probably wants to make sure that his children hold this tradition and really embrace it the way he did. Grace states, "These were our bedtime stories. Tales that haunted our parents and made them laugh at the same time. We never understood them until we were fully grown and they became our sole inheritance". She finally realized once she was grown, through experience and constant reminders from her father, that the stories and jokes she once thought were embarrassing and frivolous were actually inspiring, funny and meaningful.
           The jokes her father tells captures hope for the Haitian people and I think she admires how he presents the struggles Haitian people must face with a sense of humor. Everyone appreciates some comedy when times get rough. For example, it was unheard of to joke about 9/11 right after it happened because it was such a traumatic event. However, once comedians started to incorporate humor into it all, people started to relax and feel more at ease. I think it was very special that her father was almost protecting his children in a sense by telling jokes about the hardships the Haitians faces, rather than portraying the world to be cruel and violent, because not all places are like that.

When you grow older, you begin to realize that this world isn't perfect and also begin to understand why your parents were so persistent about certain things. Parents lecture and embarrass their children for all the right reasons, weather the child likes it or not.

Hope

      

Hope. Everyone has felt it either enter or leave their body. It's an anxious, happy, joyous, fearful and sad emotion wrapped up into one. People become anxious with the fear that they will either be elated to find out that their hope came true or that they'll be utterly devastated that it was all for nothing. It's a natural human emotion that no one can escape. It makes you on edge constantly or it might just be faith in something good to come. Whether you are hoping that there will one day be peace in this world or you hope that you got an A on your assignment, hope is inescapable. Some say it is useless, and others use it in their everyday life just to get by, just to imagine how things could be.

In "Children of the Sea", the female narrators mother, Manman states, "People are just too hopeful, and sometimes hope is the biggest weapon of all to use against us. People will believe anything." You can tell right away that she is jaded by giving into hope herself. She is so opposed to hoping because she has been let down one too many times. Haiti, at the time this was written, was still in shambles. The female narrator describes how the mother had heard a rumor that the old president of Haiti was coming back. She was so excited to hear that her home would be saved from this terror. However, she soon found out that when other Haitian people who had also heard that the president was returning, had quickly fled to the airport to greet him at his arrival. Sadly, the macoutes arrested and/or killed all of the people that had hoped because in Haiti, that was considered rebellion.

From this event, we can now see why her mother is so aggravated with hope and believes its all lies. Every time she believes something good will happen, something awful happens in return. The people of Haiti are in despair and most people have simply "given up".

 It really goes to show you that where we live (America), we are so privileged and don't need to worry about living in such conditions. But it makes you wonder; what do we have hope in? Our next big project? Love? Hope in a better tomorrow? If the president didn't have hope in his election, where would he be today? If our parents didn't have hope in us, how did we get so far? Whatever your hope may be, it will always be what drives you as a human being and it's initially what makes our world go round.

silly fig tree

       Everyone has a passion. Weather you'd rather keep it to your selves or shout it from the roof tops, you can't deny your self of what you love. In Naomi's fathers eyes, passion is where you come from and who you are. Through out the poem "My Father and the Fig Tree", her father speaks about his home land with the utmost respect and interest. He is so passionate about it that he wants his daughter to become just as excited as he is.
        In the poem, You could tell by her smirks and monotone writing that Naomi could care less about the fig tree. However, she wouldn't have wirtten so vividly about how excited her father was about it if she didn't know there was some sort of meaning attatched to the fig. She describes her father as almost crazy that he would get so uplifted at the thought of a fig. Everyone has had a memory that is associated with something tangible. Weather its a sea shell at the beach that reminds you of your summer vacation with your family or an apple tree that was in your old back yard. When you see another apple tree, the first thing that comes to mind is your old house and all the memories that were made there.
       People make connections to the funniest things. It's crazy to think that someone would get so excited about something so ordinary, but you've got to admit....everyone has a connection with their own silly fig tree.

What a pot of coffee can create

       In the text 19 Varieties of Gazelle, the poem "Arabic Coffee" really caught my attention. I found my self discovering about what a simple pot of coffee can stir up. Coffee, like many other beverages or foods, can bring people closer. We experience these interactions every day, weather it be during dinner with your family or meeting an old friend  at the local cafe for a coffee. Where ever you go, family and friends gather around the table for  food, drink and of course, good conversation.
       In the poem, there were many metaphors and hidden meanings. There were two metaphors in particular that seemed to keep repeating themsleves creating a "theme" for the poem. The first metaphor I caught on to right away was the sharing of cominalities between people you never thought you'd associate with. Everyone at times can feel annoyed and irritated with family or friends but once you sit down and take the time to get to know someone, you realize how similar they are to you and afterall, they are just people and you realize no one is perfect. This coffe symbolizes a bond between people, almost something they can use to "break the ice" (Were all here for the coffe, so we might as well make the best of it). Another metaphor used in this poem is religion. Having faith in something and believing in man kind. It's extremely easy to give up and loose hope, but it makes someone that much stronger when they believe in something bigger than themselves. There is a line in the poem that demonstrates the power of faith. In the second stanza, the author is describing the clothes on a line and how they will always be there when they are  needed. The line reads, "You will live long enough to wear me". (38)
       Not only are there several metaphors in this poem, but there are many ways that the reader can interpret them. In the second stanza, it becomes confusing to read because there is so much substance in thoes few lines. The first section discusses worries and dissapointments people may experience in life. However the stanza also suggests that because this family is all sitting down for a cup of coffee, life becomes more comforting because drinking coffee is a familar tradition. There are sentence structure patterns that also occur through out this stanza. In the begining, the sentences were short and stagnant. However once the ideas of the stanza started becomming more understandable, it started to flow. It was similar to a conversation; at first, ideas are scattered and vague, but as you start feeling more comforatable, the conversation gets deeper and more meaningful; it starts flowing.
       Arabic Coffe helped me to realize that poems aren't just a bunch of meaningless words put together to sound pretty, but they are up to the reader to interpret. This poem in particular was very intriguing to me because I could relate to it and I know for a fact that every other person in the world could as well. Just like a cup of coffee, this poem too became comforting.